I think I have been putting off posting anything for a while because my heart is still breaking and the pain hasn't gone away... I don't know if it ever will. This last January I was faced with the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I had to lay my love, Sammy, to rest. It is still so hard for me to talk about as I am welling up with tears now. He was almost twelve years old. He got cancer that had started in his pelvis and had spread very quickly throughout his body to his lungs, making it hard to breathe. I knew over Christmas break something was up when I took him on a hike and a few days later was wheezing in pain. Within a couple weeks, I watched him decline rapidly. I took him in to get some testing done and within a week they told me it was cancer. After I received the news I was so distraught I took some time off of work to be with him every second until I decided what to do. I was faced with this decision alone.. no one could make it for me. I tried to give him all of his medicine but there was so much of it Sammy was just struggling. He had just stopped eating and didn't even want to go outside. So his last few days I carried him in my arms down this pathway by our house with lots of grass and trees. The wind rustled the trees around and I would say a little prayer with Sam. I just needed to know what to do. Although the answer was clear it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. How do I say goodbye to a friend that has been with me since high school? Through all of the hardships I've faced, to have him there nuzzling me letting me know everything would be ok... through all of our runs and hikes we would take together, for all the celebrations with family, and through all the trials in our family's lives... he has just been there so loyal with wanting nothing in return. Now I am faced with having to make the decision to end his pain and say goodbye to someone I love dearly. I love you buddy, and miss you so, so much. Nothing can or will ever replace you my love. Monday, Jan 18th 2010 is the day that you went back to heaven. I hope you are there playing with Muffy and Rusty and waiting till we are reunited again someday! Deep breath... so after all of this, I struggled alot. I was very depressed and came home to a quiet house every day. I just wasn't able to sleep and would cry uncontrollably. So a few weeks later, Mark and I decided to get another dog. Not to replace Sam, but to focus my attention elsewhere. Well it definitely kept me preoccupied. I still cry for Sam, but now I have a new responsibility to take care of , and she is a handfull!!! Here are the pictures from Sammy's last night with me. We had a little get together at my parents house with Sam to celebrate his life.